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A fresh start

I am currently at ease with myself and the way my life is at present.

That is a huge statement for me to share and also a very long time coming.

The past few years have been really tough.  Life seemed to have totally gone off track.  My life felt off kilter and to a point not my own.  I suffered deeply with depression, had a crappy job, my relationship with my husband was at times very strained and I had become very insular and within myself.  Life felt hard and I suffered greatly.

I got a new job, and for a few months I hated it.  It didn't float my boat so to speak.  I thought I could do better.  I felt like I had taken a huge step backwards career wise, I was unhappy and felt broken.  But I suddenly had an AHA moment.  I realised that I could and should change my attitude towards it.  I didn't want to look for a new job as it had taken a while to find this one and I hated filling in application forms and going to interviews.  I didn't want to find a job where I would have to travel outside my comfort zone.  And I certainly didn't want a job that wasn't 9 to 5, Monday to Friday.

My new job offered what I wanted.  So what if I was in a Call Centre, I was still in an office environment rather than being in retail.  I have regular set shift patterns, I'm close to home, no weekend working and no late nights.  I work with mostly great people, the company I work for is a good and is ever expanding.  I have some good benefits and it pays fairly well.  and when I took this all on board, I actually began to enjoy my work, and I began enjoying my work again.

Being at peace work wise, made me feel happier.  I realised I didn't want a high powered career, I just wanted a little job that would allow me to afford the things I enjoy, which in terms make me feel happier in general.  Life started to feel less dark for me, which had a knock on effect in terms of my relationship with AJ.  I was less stressed and a change in his employment also contributed to a turn around in our relationship.  We are doing really well, we are stronger than ever.

We have also been working on our home environment and have had a few home improvements.  As I wasn't in a good place, we had neglected our home and it was to some extent, the state of the house, that was contributing to my depression.  We decided to invest a little into sorting out the front and back gardens which has had a huge impact.  The knock on effect has made us want to clear up our house more.  At present, it is far from the way I want it to be, but we have made a huge start and I can see the wood for the trees now.

Overall, I'm feeling good.  I'm feeling well, and most importantly I feel like I want to get back into my creative pursuits again.  It's has been too long since I had created anything.  I haven't scrap booked, cross stitched, created art, nothing.  But now I feel ready to get back into the hobbies I loved before I became ill.  Thanks to YouTube, Pinterest and Instagram I've become interested again.

I'm going to take it easy, not put pressure on myself but allow myself time to create in whatever form at takes.  I've already made a start.  Last weekend AJ and I sat in our newly sorted out back garden and I started a mini album about my Disneyworld trip in 2012 using a travellers notebook.  I only did a few pages but it felt so good, actually it felt fantastic.  I'm going to show this album as it progresses so look out for new posts showcasing this new journey for me.  I've committed to myself I'm going to use my blog again and put myself out on social media.  No agenda, just post when I feel like but hoping that the more I create, the more I will want to share which again will make me create more.

I'm excited.

With love from Pickleland

Lesley xxxx

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