Wednesday, 2 October 2013

It's been far too long

Dear Ickle Blog

Yes, it has been far too long since my last visit and the promises of loading pictures of the projects I had created didn't happen.  Yes, I feel bad about that and yes I don't really have that many excuses.  Except the big excuse that I have been suffering from depression. 

Why that should stop me from visiting this blog is hard to explain.  It has taken me months to actually acknowledge that I have been suffering from a prolonged spell of depression and even longer for me to actually do something about it and ask for some help from my family and friends and from my GP.

I've always had periods of feeling low or down.  I am aware of certain cycles that I go through.  I know I get very low between January and March and again around August and the start of September leading to my birthday on the 9th.  However, this year I can honestly say I haven't felt well in myself all year.

  My job was one of the major reasons for me feeling down and it is only in the last month that I have made the brave decision to leave (even though I haven't another job in the pipeline at the moment).  My job as well as fuelling my depression started to manifest itself in to physical symptoms such as IBS and migraines.  The good news is that since not being at work the IBS and migraines have been so much better.  I am now hoping that the anti-depressants that the doctor has prescribed for me will help me be less anxious and start me off on the road to recovery.

I think also having a really hard time at work has zapped alot of my creativity.  I have definitely been having a hard time in motivating myself to actually create something.  I haven't done any scrapbooking or card making in months, and very little art work.  I've lost confidence in my abilities both creatively and in general and I have hid away alot of my emotions from the world.  I've withdrawn  into my shell and haven't wanted to share anything, let alone any creative endeavours. 

I now acknowledge that not feeling creative has been a little counter productive.  Scrapbooking and art makes me happy, but I haven't been doing what makes me happy.  No wonder, I have been going round in circles with myself.  I am my own worse enemy.  I am a fairly intelligent person so why haven't I told myself to just do because it will make me feel better.  Depression, I now know has no reason. 

  Today I felt like updating this blog.  I have wanted to tell you what I've been feeling and what I have been going through of late.  I wanted you to know that for a long time I haven't felt remotely interested in this blog but today I woke up and for the first time in months I wanted to visit you.

  It has been far too long and I have missed you.  I have missed sharing aspects of my creative life with you and I know that you will help me on my road to feeling better.

I know that I need to start nourishing my soul.  Scrapbooking and art does that.  So I promise myself now and to you my Ickle blog.  It has NOW begun.

Good Evening from Pickle Land

Speak to you very soon and that is a promise

Love L xxx   

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