Friday, 11 May 2012

I haven't gone away - Promise

I know it has nearly been three months since my last post so I thought I would give you a bit of an update.

My new job isn't working out as well as I thought it would be.  The work itself is fine but the shift patterns are just terrible.  Even though I am officially working the same hours as my last job, because of the shift patterns, evenings and weekends I actually have less time because, for example, if I'm on a late shift, I can't really do much in the morning because if I don't want to get too engrossed into anything because I have to leave for work just after 11am, and then I'm not home until nearly 9pm so I virtually get home and go to bed.And I have up to three evenings to work a week  On a day shift, I get home about 6pm (not major late I know) but because I'm on my feet all day I'm physically and mentally spent so I don't feel like doing anything.  I also have to work one of the days of a weekend and I hardly ever have two days off together so basically my days off consist of housework.

And to be honest, I thought I was doing well but I had a review and my boss said I wasn't being effective enough (whatever that means) and a load more of negative comments which was a real blow to me. There are huge areas of the job I know I can't do yet ( knowledge and doing), but he seems to think I should be at a certain point and I'm at this point.  I would get his point if I have been fully trained to do the job fully but I have hardly been trained - due to major staff shortages and my official studies/training doesn't even start until August.

 Coming out of the review - in which I went in with confidence and pride in what I thought I had achieved over the past few months; I left feeling completely dumbfounded and really negative.  To be honest it knocked the stuffing out of me and though I tried to concentrate on the positives of the job and the review, the negatives of the job have crept in  and completely outway the good.  Not good and it has sent me in abit of a spiral of late.

I know I am lucky to have this job in the current job market, but it is now seriously affecting my life.  I feel I have no life balance at the moment.  I feel I have no social life, I have hardly been out of an evening (or weekend for that matter) in the four months since I started the job. I felt so good when I was offered this job in January and so enthusiastic and feeling good about the future, but it has sent me feeling lower than I did when I was made redundant at the end of last year.  I hardly have any ME time anymore.  My craft has taken a back seat to tiredness and total lack of time.  I hardly see any of my friends and family and more importantly my husband who has been amazingly supportive over the last few weeks since my review .  My quandry at the moment is do I stick it out because at least it is a job or do I look elsewhere in a current market where there are very few jobs and try to get a new job????

So that really is my update of the last few months.

  No craft of any sort to show you I'm afraid.

 Though my heart is so willing, I physically and mentally haven't been in the right place to do anything.

There is some light at the end of the very long dark tunnel though which I'm very excited about. 

Though I haven't scrapbooked, or made cards, or cross stitched for the past few months, I have still been scouring some of my fave websites and blogs (though I haven't commented on blogs I have been reading them once a week) and have been looking for inspiration to keep my creative juices flowing. I've really been inspired by many things and especially mixed media art and creative art journalling and with encouragement from my bf Chris have decided to start some art journals and canvasses (something Chris and I can do together) in the next few weeks once I have got a few supplies.  And to try and make more time for scrapbooking which I love in which I have too many supplies ha ha .  

I've gave myself abit of a  talking to and I am determined to get past my tiredness and disappointedness with my life at present and do the things  I love again with no excuses.  Writing this blog post, and acknowledging to the universe (if anyone is out there) I haven't been happy the last few weeks, is my first step into feeling better I know. I am determined to start blogging again on a regular basis and have artwork, scrapbooks and cards to show on this blog.  I so enjoyed blogging before and I know I have abandonded it of late which has been playing on my mind.  This is a little part off the weight that has been on my shoulders.  My goal is to start creating again and thus I am challenging myself to at leat one piece of craft/art a week to begin with, starting from today.  My light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you for reading this post.  I know it is probably all rambles but it has been therapeutic to get it off my chest.

Good Evening from Pickle Land.  It has been far too long and I promise to come back alot sooner

Love Lesley xx